Beat ADHD burnout
How to prevent it, manage it and recover.
For a long time I struggled to understand how I could have a full life without getting physically and mentally ill. It seemed impossible to balance work, family, friends and any semblance of self care without spreading myself too thin, burning out and failing on all fronts.
Since I’ve been diagnosed I know it really is possible to do these things but it’s taken some time to learn how to manage my energy levels, symptoms and overall wellbeing so I can do the things I want to do. I’ve had to let go of expectations (not easy), advocate for what I need and stop trying to do things the same way as everyone else. It takes practice and plenty of mishaps but with time and intention things can get better. A lot, lot better.
Another word on mistakes and mishaps
I don’t always realise I’m teetering on the edge of burnout until I’m sat in front of Netflix, feeling flat, disconnected and unable to function. After a lifetime of not knowing I was ADHD, pushing through and trying harder it still catches me out. This is normal, part of the journey and like tuning out of a meditation you can bring your attention back and course correct.
Burnout is sneaky
ADHD burnout is a condition many individuals with ADHD experience, even middle aged wellness junkies like me, and is characterised by emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. It can be tricky to avoid and manage because its insidious, we’ve had a lifetime of trying to push harder and keep up, and the symptoms are so wide reaching they’re not always obvious. I know people who have been diagnosed and treated for depression or anxiety and it’s not until a few years later when the ADHD penny drops that they realise they were experiencing burnout.
You’re not broken, you’re working really hard
Burnout occurs when the demands of daily life overwhelm one's capacity to manage them. ADHD makes everyday ‘stuff’ more difficult and draining because we our brilliant neurodivergent brains are having to navigate neurotypical standards, rules and ways of doing things. Our capacity and energy can very easily reach its limits and it’s not surprising that we end up feeling like we need a year long vacation to a remote island in the outer hebrides (the irony is I’d be bored and under stimulated after the first week, the contradictions of the ADHD brain, but you get the gist).
You don’t get burnout because you’re lazy, flaky, broken and incapable. You hit burnout because you’ve been swimming really hard against your natural current without enough rest and recharge and there’s only so long you can do that without sinking.
The Beat Burnout survival guide isn’t about avoiding things or living like a saint. This is about understanding what burnout is, what causes it, symptoms and influencing factors so you’re able to spot the early signs, manage your energy levels and if you do tip over the edge you know step by step what to do to recover.
Before we get stuck in, I want to say this. I don’t know anyone with ADHD who hasn’t experienced some sort of burnout. You’re not broken, you’re not going mad and you’re certainly not alone.
Understanding ADHD Burnout
What is it?
ADHD burnout is not just typical exhaustion, but a deeper, more pervasive form of fatigue that can impact your mood, your ability to function at work, in relationships, and during personal time.
Imagine you’re watching a film about a nuclear power station that’s working too hard and overheating. Everyone is running around trying to switch it off and cool it down because if they don’t it’s going to reach its limits and meltdown. Well, the build up to ADHD burnout is pretty much the same, if you don’t spot the signs and intervene there’s going to be a point where things start to break. To be clear, the film has a happy ending because someone knows what to do and which knobs to press to turn things around. The same applies here, when you know what burnout is, how it feels (symptoms) and what can trigger it, you’ll be able to do something about it.
What contributes to it?
It’s not just periods of extreme stress, major life events or a high flying corporate job that cause burnout. ADHD symptoms and the way the world is ‘set up’ can make normal everyday things more challenging and therefore much more draining than they would be for a neurotypical person.
Some examples:
Social stuff
ADHDer’s can be the life and soul of the party but we can also find certain social situations draining. One to one interactions with a close friend might recharge you but group or work catch ups where you’re having to work hard to filter noise, distractions and mask can seriously blat the battery. We can be sensitive to judgment and rejection (Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria or RSD) and many of us have a level of social anxiety, subconsciously anaylsing every interaction for errors and mistakes, that can also make casual catch ups tiring. We can also struggle to remember and initiate social contact, manage the social diary, keep up with messages, whatsapp groups and social media. When it gets too much ADHDers can very easily disengage and switch off which eventually leads to more anxiety and stress when we realise how long it’s been since we made contact.
Personal stuff
Housework, admin, coordinating family commitments, supporting kids, school runs, food shopping, remembering birthdays, preparing for a trip or special event, hosting, all require time management, planning, organisation, focus, memory, time management, emotional regulation which are things that do not play to our brains natural strengths. These things in isolation are fine, but when they start to build up and the fireworks are going off in our brain all at once, it can feel like we’re running a conglomerate multinational single handed.
Work stuff
If work is stretching your executive function, you’re bored and under stimulated, the environment is draining, you’re having to mask a lot, you’re not playing to your strengths or getting into flow we can become seriously depleted. When you add the social and personal stuff into the mix it’s no wonder we can end up hiding under the bedsheets.
Chronic stress from trying to meet external expectations, juggling multiple tasks, perfectionism, pushing yourself too hard and persistent hyper-focus can also all lead to burnout.
Burnout isn’t necessarily down to one big thing, it can happen when we have lots of ‘normal’ things on our plate all at once. Sometimes you’re just about managing day to day but a family get together, an incident at work or upset at school can tip you over the edge.
Symptoms
Burnout can affect you physically and mentally. Symptoms include: extreme exhaustion or low energy, difficulty focusing or thinking clearly, forgetfulness/poor memory, being unable to complete tasks, overwhelm, increased irritability, anxiety, emotional reactance (flying off the handle), feelings of helplessness, low mood, increased sensory sensitivity (e.g. noise or crowds), marked decline in performance or motivation, procrastination, sleep disturbances, withdrawal from usual activities, disconnection, feeling dissociated and detached, shame, guilt and frustration because you know you need to do things but can’t.
Physical symptoms include general exhaustion (feeling like you’ve run a marathon), lowered immunity, skin, nail and hair issues, poor exercise recovery, unexplained fatigue, aches and pains, gut issues/IBS, changes in appetite, weight loss or gain. The physical symptoms of stress.
Burnout isn’t like a switch, it builds up so the more aware of the early signs you are and the more you develop your self awareness the more likely you are to catch, counter and correct it before you hit rock bottom.
So, how do we avoid feeling like we’re running on fumes or we’re having a full system shut down?
We need S.P.A.C.E
Space is a protocol that will help you prevent burnout and manage your energy more effectively. It is also a recovery tool that will help you turn things around if you’re struggling.
S=STOP
I’ve come to see ADHD burnout as the mental equivalent of the burnout I’d get from trying to do hardcore HIIT, designed for 18 year old athletes, on zero rest days and slimfast shakes. If I’m doing this I would need to STOP.
A more effective strategy would be to nurture my soon to be 50 body by upping the protein and following the low impact modifier. Dropping to the modifier doesn’t mean you’re not working hard towards your goals, it just means you’re doing it in a way that allows you to keep going and not get injured (or burnt out).
I
can do this for my overstretched ADHD brain too and while my ego might not like it, taking this approach means I’m more effective and a lot, lot happier.
Question: What do you need to modify to make sure you’re able to free up some bandwidth, manage your energy, recharge and recover?
Dropping to the modifier will be different for everyone but could mean:
Rest and recovery - taking time off is vital.
Including low stimulation activities like reading, gentle walking, or listening to calming music - a bit like adding low impact, yoga and stretching into your workout routine.
Planning for a mentally challenging week - if you have more on than usual, what can you take out, reduce or modify elsewhere? What can you do to make sure you recharge and recover adequately?
Getting easy but healthy food options in (I prefer cooking from scratch but when my executive function is being stretched the healthier option is the one that isn’t going to burn me out).
Being realistic with your to-do list rather than rewriting the same one everyday and feeling bad about it.
Not over committing yourself socially. Saying no to things you don’t really want to do or have to do.
Turning off whatsapp notifications for a few hours. Telling people who need to know that you’re not available.
Sharing your situation with trusted friends and family so it takes the pressure off.
Allowing extra time to do things and asking for help especially on a challenging week where you have extra load or you’re running around more than usual. When I’m organising and packing for a holiday I need to allocate half a day where I can concentrate on what I’m doing and not get overwhelmed. Other people might not need this, but I do if I want to arrive in a regulated rather than irritated state.
STOP pushing through, trying harder and trying to do all the shoulds and need tos rolling around in your head. If you keep going then the likelihood is you’re going to end up on the floor and having to stop anyway. Just like physical exercise, steady gentle progress is waaayy better than regressing because you’ve knackered your knees and you’ve burned yourself out.
P=Permission
Are you giving yourself permission to live life in a way that works for you or are you feeling like you have to keep going and meet certain expectations? Are you giving yourself permission to do what you need to do to recharge and regulate?
If we don’t give ourselves permission to stop and do the things we need to do then we’re not going to get better. In fact it’s very easy to get into a no man's land situation where you’re not doing anything well because you’re only allowing yourself token gestures. Squeezing in a yoga session is great…but it’s not going to help if you’re still pushing yourself beyond your limits.
Question: What are you not allowing yourself to do, not do?
Do you need to give yourself permission to say no, slow down, ask for help, get support, rest, revise expectations and do things for pleasure and not just because you have to? Are you thinking you need permission from other people?
Acknowledge where you’re unconsciously saying “NO I can’t” and give yourself permission to make the changes you need to make.
A=Acceptance
Accepting you have ADHD, where you’re at and how you feel right now sounds straight forward but it actually isn’t, especially if you’re a newbie to the ADHD table.
You might have a diagnosis or suspect you have ADHD, and you might recognise you’re struggling, but it doesn’t mean you’re ready to stop fighting it or trying to fix it. When I was diagnosed I felt validated and relieved but this was very quickly replaced by a sense of disorientation, sadness, frustration and denial. I didn’t want to face the fact I had a disability, I didn’t feel disabled and I wasn’t prepared to throw in the towel on trying to be ‘normal’. It took me a further 18 months for me to finally book a follow up with the clinic to discuss treatment options and medication.
Yes ADHDers are amazing, yes we have strengths and superpowers, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have difficulties. Let’s face it we wouldn’t know we’re ADHD without recognising the symptoms and their impact on our life. A blind person can develop insane ‘superpower’ hearing, sensory awareness and intuition but this doesn’t mean they’re not blind. Accepting you’re neuro divergent isn’t about quitting or giving up on your goals, it’s about coming to terms with the fact you might need to do things a little differently if you want to stay healthy and do the things you want to do.
I now consider my diagnosis as the point I got the right ‘how to operate’ manual. Before that it felt like I was trying to build an ikea wardrobe with instructions for the matching chest of drawers. Accepting that we’re actually different means we can finally let go of feeling deficit, not good enough and broken.
Question: Is there anything relating to your ADHD discovery, your past and present that you’re struggling to accept? What do you need to let go of right now?
If you’re reading this and it’s hit a nerve, that’s OK, sit with it for a while and if you can, chat about what’s come up for you with someone you can trust. Processing all of this means you’ll be more able to let go of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that aren’t serving you and move forward.
C=Clear Boundaries
If you’re ADHD you might find establishing and maintaining personal boundaries difficult. Many of us have spent a long time trying to keep up, fit in, please others and meet expectations while our self esteem takes a serious hit. We have a tendency to say yes to things when we really want to say no, we avoid issues and conflict and many of us find it difficult to express our wishes and needs. This is totally understandable when you feel like you’re standing on the getting it wrong precipice the whole time and you don’t want to get booted out and banished.
Exploring personal boundaries, where they’re robust and where they aren’t, is super important when it comes to preventing burnout. If we have any chance of feeling optimal and empowered we need to be clear with other people by addressing issues, saying no, speaking up and bringing things into the room when we need to. We can be honest with ourselves too about what we’re regularly doing, not doing, putting up with and agreeing to that breaches our personal values, creates resentment and reduces our bandwidth.
Establishing clearer boundaries means we’re able to engage with the world in a more adaptive, healthy way that doesn’t drain the battery and do us damage.
This could include:
Prioritising self-care as much as we do work, chores and caring for others.
Creating healthy boundaries for ourselves around exercise, balanced meals, sufficient sleep, and hydration. These physical health practices improve resilience to stress.
Creating and honouring routines and time blocks: Establishing predictable routines helps reduce decision fatigue and allows more mental space for creativity and focus.
Saying no to things that breach your personal boundaries and overly drain your energy. Prioritise things that align with your goals and values.
E = ENERGY ACCOUNTING
Where are your mental and physical energy levels right now? Perhaps you’re already on low battery mode and wondering how you’re going to make it until the next charging point?
Think of your mobile phone, if the battery is flat the only option you have is plug it in and wait for adequate time for it to recharge. If you try and whip it off the charger too soon you might be able to make a text or phone call, but you can forget about using maps because it’ll just shut down after 10 minutes.
Our energy levels are the same, the more depleted we are the more we need to do to rest and recharge or we’ll continue to operate sub-optimally on low battery mode and there’s not much fun in that.
This is where energy accounting comes in. Just like a bank balance (or phone battery) we have things that withdraw our energy (withdrawals) and things that put good stuff back in (deposits). If there are too many withdrawals and not enough deposits we’re going to burnout (or become bankrupt). The way we avoid this happening is to first become aware of the things, specific activities, people, situations that drain our battery and the things that recharge it.
The second thing to do is to give each of these things a value so you have an idea of how much energy they give or take. This is important because if you have a week when you have lots of high value withdrawals you’re going to need to ensure you have enough deposits to cover it and balance the books.
You don’t need to do this exactly, it’s more about having an awareness of what your recharge needs are so you can avoid problems. You might have things that are both withdrawals and deposits e.g. social activities or going to the gym.
Here’s an example:
| Withdrawals | Deposits |
|---|---|
| Family visiting for the weekend 10 | A quiet weekend 10 |
| Food planning and shopping 5 | Watching netflix series (on my own) 5 |
| Kids sleepover 7 | A bath and a book 6 |
| Organising - an event e.g. christmas 10 | Eating out, getting simple food in or a takeaway 5 |
| Online course assessment 7 | Yoga class, meditation 6 |
| Housework 5 | Walking the dog 5 |
| Going to the gym 5 | Going to the gym 5 |
| Meeting up with friendship group 5 | Meeting up with bestie 5 |
Burnout triggers
Do you have particular times in the year, events and commitments where you feel overwhelmed and suboptimal? Are there things that you know tip you over the edge?
Seasonal and cultural events like Christmas (one of my MAJOR triggers), our kids needing extra support, or starting something new can very easily send us into a downward spiral. Practicing energy accounting can really help us to see when we need to adjust expectations, increase deposits or get a back up plan in place. I pushed through 3 festive seasons where I was horrible to live with, ill and stressed before I realised I needed to make some changes.
Ebb and flow rather than sprint, sprint, sprint and flop
We often say go with the flow but we should also say go with the ebb too, particularly if you’re ADHD. Honouring your natural rhythm and personal needs allows you to make the most of a sparky creative brain and live life in a way that works for you.
A note on recovery
If you’re gradually getting your mojo back after a bout of burnout try not to jump straight back into the mental equivalent of high impact HIIT. Start with light activities and slowly increase your workload as you regain energy. Listen to your body’s cues and avoid rushing back into full speed or the same patterns. Give yourself enough SPACE and follow the protocol, you’ll be back on form before you know it :-)
How can Pair Thinking Help?
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