Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
How to stop it derailing your life!
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (R.S.D.) is one of those delightful side effects of ADHD that makes life feel like an emotional rollercoaster—but without the fun bits. If you’ve ever spent hours replaying a single conversation, convinced someone secretly hates you, or gone out of your way to avoid disappointing others, you’re well-acquainted with R.S.D.’s ability to hijack your brain and leave you feeling utterly miserable.
The good news? You’re not alone, and there are ways to keep R.S.D. from derailing your life. Let’s dive into what it is, how to spot it, and most importantly, how to manage it so you can reclaim your peace of mind.
What is R.S.D?
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a fancy term for an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or criticism. For adults with ADHD, it’s like your brain has a hyperactive “shame and blame” button that gets jammed at the slightest hint of disapproval.
Here’s what it can look like:
You interpret neutral feedback as outright rejection.
You obsess over what someone really meant in that text.
You feel crushed by criticism, even when it’s constructive.
You’re so afraid of letting people down that you overcommit or people-please until you’re completely burned out.
R.S.D. is sneaky, too. Sometimes it shows up as perfectionism—a desperate attempt to avoid rejection by doing everything perfectly. Other times, it’s full-on avoidance: skipping opportunities or relationships because the fear of failure feels too overwhelming.
Triggers
One time, I asked a barista to remake my chai latte because they forgot the oat milk. They gave me a slightly annoyed look, and I spent the rest of the day spiraling. “Did I come across as rude? Should I go back and apologise?” It wasn’t about the coffee; it was about my brain convincing me I was a terrible person over a minor interaction. Classic R.S.D.
Even something as casual and unthreatening as a quick chat with a neighbour can result in an hour of cringing about being weird, over sharing or generally not getting it right. I’m laughing as I write this - I’m a lot better these days but my brain is so quick to react in these situations that it can take me a few minutes before I realise it’s R.S.D and not a rationale response.
R.S.D. Creates Misery
R.S.D. thrives on overanalysing, people-pleasing, and perfectionist tendencies. It tricks you into believing:
You have to keep everyone happy: The ultimate recipe for stress, avoiding things, masking and burnout.
Every mistake is catastrophic: It’s not, but it really, really feels like it sometimes.
You’re not good enough unless you’re perfect: Striving for the impossible - another recipe for stress, avoiding things, masking and burnout. You get the gist.
This all leads to constant anxiety, strained relationships, and an overall sense of ugh that can seriously dim your light, self esteem and confidence.
How to Stop R.S.D. From Taking Over
The first step to managing R.S.D. is recognising it when it happens. Once you’ve named the beast, you can start taming it. Here are some strategies:
1. Learn to Spot the Signs
If you’re spiraling after a small interaction or obsessing over what someone thinks, ask yourself: Is this R.S.D. talking?
Journaling your thoughts can help you identify patterns and triggers.
2. Reframe the Narrative
When you catch yourself catastrophising, challenge those thoughts. Instead of “They hate me,” try “They might’ve been having a bad day. It’s not about me.”
Practice self-compassion: “I’m doing my best, I’m a good person and that’s enough.”
Consider what you would say to a friend or loved one if they were in your shoes.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
Say no to things that drain you. Overcommitting fuels people-pleasing and burnout.
Surround yourself with people who value and understand you. Your inner circle should feel safe, not exhausting.
4. Practice Emotional Regulation
Mindfulness exercises can help you stay grounded when emotions spike. Try deep breathing, grounding techniques, or a quick walk.
Therapy or coaching can teach you coping tools for managing intense feelings.
5. Remember: Not Everything Is About You
This isn’t meant harshly! Often, other people’s reactions have more to do with them than you. It’s freeing when you realise you’re not the main character in everyone’s internal drama.
6. Give Yourself Permission to Be Imperfect
You’re human. Mistakes are part of life. Treat them as opportunities to learn, not as proof you’re unworthy.
Healthy, genuine connection requires authenticity, honesty and vulnerability. We block this if we’re masking, people pleasing or trying to be liked all the time.
7. Celebrate the Wins
R.S.D can be seriously tough to deal with especially if you’ve struggled for a long time without knowing what’s really going on. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small.
Living Beyond R.S.D.
R.S.D. doesn’t have to run your life. By recognising its patterns and using the strategies above, you can move beyond the overanalysing, people-pleasing, and perfectionism it creates. It takes practice, but the payoff is worth it: less stress, more confidence, and the freedom to live life on your terms.
So the next time your brain starts spiralling over a perceived rejection, take a deep breath and remind yourself: R.S.D is like an intense rollercoaster you really didn’t want to ride - it might be unpleasant but you’ll be ok and the experience will pass.
How can Pair Thinking Help?
Pair Thinking is your ADHD wingman, an A.I. powered coach, teacher, psychology expert and personal assistant. Available 24/7 whenever you need them, they’ll get to know YOU, where you’re at and what you want - recommending and facilitating specific learning modules alongside flexible and adaptable day to day support to help you navigate life. Whether you’re newly diagnosed and discombobulated, someone with goals you can’t seem to achieve, or you’re fed up with feeling overwhelmed, misunderstood and alone, Pair Thinking was created to help ADHDers, like you, shine their light and thrive.
